tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-247671382011-04-21T13:55:43.539-07:00Frank O'Harehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09893817640748162908noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24767138.post-1145790926963797352006-04-23T03:42:00.000-07:002006-04-23T04:15:27.020-07:00<strong>That's what friends are for</strong><br />Last night my good friend Jim came to see me playing with my band - he wanted to take me out after the show to see another band playing. He knew I was challenged by a personal issue. Jim is no counsellor but a great supporter of me when I am drowning in sorrow. He listened to me venting my fears and emotions and then offered some thoughts about my situation, but he said he would be giving me no solutions - that work was for me to deal with. The night ended with us having a laugh with some musician friends.<br />This guy is amazing - he should be paid for his friendly services - just as he was dropping me off at home he got a call from another friend who was in trouble as he'd left his wife. It was another case of Jim to the rescue. And he does it with a smile too!<br />I know that I will be there for him come the day he needs some friendly male support. In the meantime I am happy to teach the man guitar once per week. <br /><strong>Real men don't talk about problems?</strong><br />I felt greatly supported and comforted by my friend last night - and yet as a man I was aware that there was a wee voice in me (past conditioning) which was saying "don't be weak - pretend everything is fine - keep your problems to yourself, people will laugh at you behind your back if you show emotions" But I know from experience that it is good to talk and that a problem shared feels less intense and burdensome inside.<br /><strong>Find Support Buddies NOW</strong><br />Can you identify in your mind three or four people who would listen to you venting your stuff in times of trouble? These people do not need to be fixers of problems; their job is to give you space to get it all out and then encourage you to work through your issues in your own time.<br />Get over any concerns about not wanting to bug a friend with your problems. Most people welcome being invited to take on the role of counsellor. Your friends would probably tell you if they weren't able to spend time with you.<br />So get on the phone to a friend if you have challenges - risk asking for support. You would do the same for him or her - wouldn't you?<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/24767138-114579092696379735?l=frankohare.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Frank O'Harehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09893817640748162908noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24767138.post-1143377541798856452006-03-26T04:16:00.000-08:002006-03-26T04:52:21.810-08:00<span style="font-family:georgia;">So.....you feel angry, you feel hurt, you feel upset, you feel humiliated, you feel depressed, you feel scared and you don't know what to do about these '<em>invisible'</em> things called emotions that are coursing through your body and soul.</span><br /><strong>VENTING IS GOOD FOR YOU</strong><br />Well - have you ever tried to give in to them sometimes (instead of fighting them)? Because, occasionally, if you give in and vent the feeling it will probably have served it's purpose, it will be cleared out of your body so that other positive emotions and thoughts can have their place in you. I don't mean to say live all day with your sadness or anger. Just give a wee bit of time to expressing-the-feelings (cry for 15 minutes if sad; shout into a pillow for 5 minutes if angry; complain to a friend on the phone for 10 minutes if frustrated). Try this and I assure you you will feel the benefits of having honoured your feelings. Emotions are like little messengers sometimes - for example your sadness periodically wells up in you, probably because it needs you to cry (so that you do not drown in sorrow or get depressed by holding it all in)<br /><strong>BE CAREFUL WITH SOME FEELINGS - THEY CAN DECEIVE</strong><br />And now I am going to contradict myself by telling you to watch out for the feelings that lie to you. It is not always wise to go with the flow of an emotion. For example regarding clients that I work with who are depressed, I ask them often to act against their emotions. If they are feeling lethargic and down, I ask them to consider doing something active to get the emotion of 'aliveness' back into their hearts and minds (swimming, walking, visiting family, etc will do the trick usually) So, do not always<em> honour your feelings</em>. Questioning emotions is good for you and good for the people around you. When you feel like taking your feelings out on the person next to you at home, ask yourself "what do I really need to do with this emotion?". It might be time to take a brisk walk or to get on the phone to some friend who can hear your angst and venom in a safe context.<br /><strong>QUESTIONS</strong><br />So, I think it is clear that our feelings can be 'good' or 'bad' for us!!!! You can be the boss and master of them, if you want that job. If you don't accept the job, just watch as your emotions take hold of you and stop you from achieving your true potential.<br />At birth you took on the task to <em>'work with your feelings'</em> - no-one else is fit for that job - only <strong>you</strong> can do it. <strong>How good are you gonna be at it?</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong><em></em></strong><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/24767138-114337754179885645?l=frankohare.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Frank O'Harehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09893817640748162908noreply@blogger.com1